Escape to Paradise: Auberge Clermont's Franschhoek Luxury Awaits
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because we're diving headfirst into Escape to Paradise: Auberge Clermont's Franschhoek Luxury! Forget your pristine, corporate-speak reviews – this is gonna be a warts-and-all, straight-from-the-heart (and slightly tipsy, maybe?) account.
First Impressions: Paradise Lost and Found (and Slightly Confused)
The name? "Escape to Paradise." Okay, ambitious. Franschhoek? Already winning. Auberge Clermont? Rings of classic luxury. Walking up to the place gave me a moment. It's stately, no question. But before I even got through the door I was trying to figure out how I was gonna get my ridiculously large suitcase up any steps ( Accessibility - Let's just say, the journey wasn't immediately clear. While they state "Facilities for disabled guests," and have an elevator, my initial encounter left me feeling a bit like a confused tortoise trying to scale Everest. Eventually, I found the ramp, but it wasn’t exactly a red carpet welcome for someone with mobility considerations, or someone simply hauling a mountain of luggage. More on that later, I'm sure.)
Once inside, things got… better. Way better. The lobby promised exactly what you'd expect: plush seating, soothing lighting, and the faint, tantalizing aroma of… money? Hard to say.
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Metadata & Keywords:
- Title: Escape to Paradise Auberge Clermont Franschhoek Review: Luxury Mixed with a Little Mayhem
- Description: A brutally honest and hilarious review of Auberge Clermont in Franschhoek. From the stunning spa to the slightly-less-than-perfect accessibility, get the real scoop on this South African gem!
- Keywords: Franschhoek, Auberge Clermont, Luxury Hotel, South Africa, Spa, Pool, Restaurant, Review, Accommodation, Wheelchair Accessible, Accessibility, Wine Country, Relaxation, Things to do Franschhoek, Best Franschhoek Hotels, South African Hotels.
Let's Get Down to Brass Tacks (and Fluffy Robes)
Rooms: My Sanctuary or a Slightly Damp Cave? (Mostly sanctuary, thankfully.)
My room? Gorgeous. Simply gorgeous. Let's start with the basics: Air Conditioning (hallelujah!), Free Wi-Fi in all rooms! (a must, duh!), a ridiculously comfortable Extra long bed, Blackout curtains (bliss!), and a Private bathroom that could easily double as a small apartment. The Bathtub? Deep enough to drown my sorrows (figuratively, of course!). The Bathrobes and Slippers? Felt like a royal. And the Coffee/tea maker? My morning caffeine savior. Daily housekeeping kept everything immaculate, though I kind of like a little mess, to be honest.
Bonus points: A Window that opens! Breathing fresh air: pure gold. The view from my window was of the grounds which made me feel I was truly in a place of peace and serenity.
But, okay, a minor gripe. My first night, the internet kept dropping out. Like, poof! Gone. "Internet access- wireless" and "Internet access- LAN" (they offered both) both failed me periodically. Thankfully, it sorted itself out, but it was a slight pain when I’d been working off my laptop for a couple of hours and needed to submit. Also, getting into/out of the shower the second day I realised this thing was slippery. I’m not exactly nimble first thing in the morning! (Safety/Security Feature needs some improvement in the shower!)
Spa-tacular! (And Maybe a Little Too Much “Spa-ing”)
Okay, the spa situation? This is where Auberge Clermont really shone. Spa, Spa/sauna, Sauna, Steamroom, Massage, Body wrap, Body scrub… They had it all! I spent a good chunk of my stay holed up in their little slice of heaven and went into full-on relaxation mode. The Pool with a view was incredible - I spent hours just floating, staring at the mountains, and pretending to be incredibly important. They also have a Gym/fitness center - I think I even looked at it once! (Kidding! I really did! 🤣)
I went for the full monty: a massage, body scrub, the works. The therapist, a lovely woman, was amazing. I had a slight problem figuring out how to get out of the body wrap afterwards. I sort of felt like a sausage roll. And the next time I was there, a steam room door was broken, and I was too shy to say anything so just left.
The Food: A Culinary Adventure (Mostly Successful)
Dining, drinking, and snacking are a BIG deal at Auberge Clermont. They definitely understood a vital concept of happiness. The Restaurants were generally fantastic. I definitely gave the A la carte in restaurant a go, and the Buffet in restaurant on offer at breakfast was a feast fit for a king. Western cuisine in restaurant was definitely the star of the show. I even saw some Asian cuisine in restaurant, but I wasn't feeling adventurous that day.
The Breakfast service? Top-notch. Breakfast buffet, breakfast takeaway service and Breakfast in room options - all available. My favorite was the Coffee/tea in restaurant. My absolute favorite, and the Poolside Bar? Perfection. They even had a Snack bar for when you need a quick fix.
The only blip? Once, my order was slightly messed up, but the staff were quick to fix it. A minor blip in an otherwise delicious experience.
Cleanliness and Safety: Feeling Safe as Houses (Almost)
Okay, this is where Auberge Clermont knew what they were doing. In a post-pandemic world, the Cleanliness and safety measures should be top stuff and it was. They were on point. Anti-viral cleaning products, Daily disinfection in common areas, Hand sanitizer everywhere, and the staff were super attentive. Plus, you could opt to have room sanitization and/or Rooms sanitized between stays (which felt great!). The Staff trained in safety protocol. They are very serious about that stuff.
But here's the thing: I'm not sure how much I felt the measures. Did I trust them because they were there? Sure. I was so chilled. The First aid kit was in view, and the Hotel chain had built trust in this sense of security.
Services and Conveniences: The Little Things That Matter (Sometimes)
They have so many Services and conveniences it's overwhelming. Concierge, Dry cleaning, Laundry service, Luggage storage, Car park [on-site], Free Wi-Fi, and the list goes on. There's even Cash withdrawal, Currency exchange, Daily housekeeping, Doorman, Elevator, Ironing service, Luggage storage, Safety deposit boxes, Wi-Fi for special events. I swear, I feel like I am going to go on forever!
Things to Do: Beyond the Pool (If You Can Pull Yourself Away)
Things to do, beyond lounging in the pool and pampering yourself, include a concierge service for all your needs. They even had Meetings and a Meeting/banquet facilities (if you're, you know, into those things). There was also the Exterior corridor, the Fire extinguisher, and the Front desk [24-hour] all providing safety measures.
Accessibility: The Elephant in the Room (Almost)
Back to accessibility. While the intention is clearly there (I'm assuming the ramps were implemented), getting around the property wasn't always the easiest. Some areas felt a little… clunky. The bathrooms in my room also weren’t the easiest if you had any mobility issues. This is an area where Auberge Clermont could REALLY shine with a few tweaks.
(Rambling time!)
Okay, I'm officially rambling. I do that when I get relaxed. What more can I tell you? The whole staff were amazing to me. I'd be happy to be there again. But don't just take everything at face value. Check it out and see how you feel.
The Verdict: Worth the Escape? (Absolutely!)
Overall, Escape to Paradise: Auberge Clermont Franschhoek is a winner. The luxury, the spa, the food, and the overall atmosphere make it a truly special place. It could improve slightly with accessibility, but don't let that hold you back. Consider it a delightful adventure with a few quirky edges, and you will have a whale of a time. Just remember to pack your most comfortable robe and a healthy dose of chill!
Final Score: 4.5 out of 5 stars. (Minus a half-star for the accessibility hiccups!)
Uncover the Secrets of Rodnoegnezdo Bol'shoy Gotsatl': Russia's Hidden Gem
Alright, buckle up buttercup, because this isn't your meticulously-planned-and-bullet-pointed itinerary. This is surviving… nay, living… Auberge Clermont in Franschhoek, South Africa. Get ready for the good, the bad, and the possibly-wine-induced ugly.
Day 1: Arrival, Altitude, and Absurdity
10:00 AM - Arrival at Cape Town International (CPT): Okay, so the flight was hell. Ryanair-esque legroom aside, I landed, the South African sun hitting my face like a slap of pure joy. Found my driver, a charming chap named Jabu, whose driving style is best described as "optimistic." We're talking left-lane-is-a-suggestion, speed-limit-is-a-goal-not-a-rule. But hey, it's character.
11:30 AM - Scenic Drive to Franschhoek: The views though! Holy guacamole. Rolling hills, vineyards stretching for days. I was already feeling the magic. Jabu, meanwhile, was giving me a full history of the area, peppering in tales of rugby and braais (BBQs) that made me drool.
1:00 PM - Check-in at Auberge Clermont: Oh. My. God. This place. Seriously. It's not just a hotel, it's a… vibe. The gables, the colonial charm, the scent of roses and something else… something intoxicating (that I later discovered was the resident lavender bush). I had to consciously stop myself from running around squealing like a toddler. The staff! Amazingly lovely people, offering welcome drinks (bubbly, naturally) and a tour of the property. Already plotting how I can sneak in, and never leave.
2:00 PM - Settling in and Vineyard Gaze: My room… bless its soul. Overlooking the pool and, you guessed it, more vineyards. After some unpacking (which mostly involved me trying on all the outfits I'd brought), I just sat on the balcony absorbing it all. The sun, the quiet, the fact that for once, I wasn't staring at a computer screen. Pure bliss. Though, I will admit, I spent a good ten minutes trying to figure out how the air conditioning worked. (Turns out, you just…turn it on. Duh.)
3:00 PM - First taste of Cape Malay Cuisine: The first meal was a delectable affair at Auberge Clermont's exquisite restaurant. But like most restaurants, it lacked a certain unique flare, in its food, presentation, or overall experience. So, I had a chat with the head chef! After all, I'm just a simple traveler. I spoke to the chef how I desired a Cape Malay curry with a story. It's about giving it life.
5:00 PM - "Quick" Pool Dip: Let's be honest, I thought I'd just be dangling my feet. Nope. Dove in, splashed around, felt like a mermaid freed from her seaweed confines. Note to self: sunscreen is your friend. Currently glowing like a lobster.
6:00 PM - Sunset drinks at the hotel: I sat on the balcony with a glass of Sauvignon Blanc, watching the sun paint the sky with every shade of orange and pink imaginable. Tried to do a little journaling, but mostly just ended up staring, mouth agape. The sheer beauty of it all punched me in the face, and I loved it.
7:30 PM - Dinner, and a whole lotta wine: The restaurant was delightful. But I swear, I feel like I was at the bottom of an ocean. I could not understand a word the waiter was saying! I asked him what he was eating, but I misunderstood his answer. So I asked again and he repeated it. I did not see, hear, or feel anything. I don't know what I was eating, but I am sure it tasted like something.
Day 2: Wine, Wit, and Wanderlust
8:00 AM - Breakfast Buffet: Eggs, bacon, fruit, a whole mountain of carbs I absolutely did not need but devoured anyway. The coffee, though, was life-giving. Seriously, I felt like I could conquer Kilimanjaro. (Okay, maybe just the local hills.)
9:00 AM - Wine Tram Adventure: Now, this is where the adventure truly starts. The Franschhoek Wine Tram! It's a hop-on-hop-off bus and tram system, visiting various wine estates. Genius. I’d pre-booked a tour, which was probably a sensible decision.
10:00 AM - Vineyard #1: Babylonstoren: Oh. My. Goodness. This place… it's an Instagram paradise. The gardens alone could keep you occupied for days. The architecture is stunning. The wine? Delicious. (I may or may not have bought a few bottles… okay, more than a few). I even picked up some figs from a tree. The figs were a little, let's say, not ripe.
12:00 PM - Vineyard #2: Leopard's Leap Family Vineyards: Lunch was fantastic! More great wine, the food was lovely. I may have made a new best friend - a local lady who was also on the tour. We spent the afternoon laughing, swapping stories, and generally being disgracefully loud.
2:00 PM - Vineyard #3: Boschendal. I don't remember much but I do remember that I wanted to buy everything in the shop. And I did.
4:00 PM - Back to the Auberge: I staggered back to the Auberge. Exhausted… content… and slightly tipsy. The world started spinning, so I ended up taking a nap. Waking up as the sun began to set, full of regret that I had wasted the peak hours for drinking, but I'm too drunk to do anything about it.
7:00 PM - Dinner at a restaurant down the street: Tonight, I had a new plan: eat at a restaurant down the street. I wanted to experience someone else's menu, and I was sure nothing could be worse than my meal last night! I got my food. The server was nice and the wine was fine, but the food tasted too foreign to me, and I had to go back to my room and get some snacks.
Day 3: Farewell (For Now!) and Reflections
8:00 AM - Final Breakfast: Another buffet binge. Mourning the fact that I had to leave this paradise.
9:00 AM - Last-minute Souvenir Shopping: Found some lovely locally-made gifts for the folks back home. (Or maybe I just kept them all for myself, who's to say?).
10:00 AM - Goodbye Hugs and Heartbreak: Checked out. Said goodbye to the lovely staff, swore I'd be back (and actually meant it).
11:00 AM - The Drive Home: The drive to the airport gave me one last chance to admire the views. Jabu was even more "optimistic" with his driving this time, probably knowing I needed it.
12:30 PM - Airport and Depart: Long flights, plane food, crying because I just didn't want to leave.
Reflections (and Ramblings): Auberge Clermont wasn't just a hotel, it was an experience. The perfect mix of luxury, charm, and a relaxed, welcoming atmosphere. Of course, the wine helped. Definitely. I'm already daydreaming of my return. And next time, I'm packing more sunscreen, a bigger suitcase for the wine, and a stronger liver. Maybe.
1. Okay, spill the tea. Is Auberge Clermont REALLY paradise, or just Instagrammable?
Alright, I'll be honest. The photos? They’re stunning. Seriously, the infinity pool practically SCREAMS to be on your feed. But here's the thing: paradise isn’t just about perfect lighting. Auberge Clermont… it's *almost* paradise. Seriously, you wake up, and the mountains… well, they take your breath away. The first morning? I *genuinely* cried a little. The sheer beauty of it. The air is crisp, the sun is warm, and it's all so… *peaceful*. That said, on the first day, I knocked over a vase, and it shattered. So, you know... progress, not perfection, and all that. Plus, my flight was delayed for like, 8 hours, and I had to deal with the airport that smells like despair, but no, Auberge Clermont *is* paradise...with a side of human imperfections. (And a very apologetic hotel staff!).
2. The rooms… are they worth the splurge? Details, please!
Oh, the ROOMS. Okay, let's talk rooms. The suites are HUGE. Seriously, you could host a small dance party in the bathroom (and I almost did). Think plush bedding, a fireplace that actually WORKS (unlike some places, cough cough, *that hotel in Switzerland*), and… are you ready? Private balconies with views that’ll make you forget about your phone. The decor is a bit… refined, let’s say. I'm more of a "maximalist" and probably would have preferred more of a "vibe", but the sheer *comfort* is undeniable. Do I think it was worth it? Honestly, it depends. If you need to disconnect and just… breathe… then YES. Absolutely. Also, that bath?! Game changer. I spent, like, THREE HOURS in that tub! I now have wrinkles, and a story to tell.
3. Let's talk food. Is the Auberge Clermont restaurant as good as the reviews say? (Because, frankly, I have trust issues with "fine dining" these days).
Okay, food. This is where things get... complicated. The restaurant? It's *good*. Like, *really* good. But also… fine dining. Which, let’s be real, can sometimes feel a bit… pretentious. The presentation is, well, art. Each plate is a masterpiece. The chef is a genius. (He probably wears a tiny hat). The *flavors* are incredible. The wine pairings? *Chef's kiss*. The problem? I spilled red wine all over the pristine white tablecloth on my first night. Mortification level: a thousand. Seriously. Then, I ordered the duck, and I swore I could hear the *soul* of the duck as it was being prepared and I just completely froze up. Don't worry the Duck was delicious. The overall vibe is fancy, but again… good – really, really good. Just… be prepared to feel a little out of place if you're more accustomed to eating with your hands (like me). Also, tip well – your waiter deserves it after putting up with my clumsiness.
4. What's the deal with the infinity pool everyone raves about? Is it worth the hype?
Okay, THE POOL. The infinity pool is… a *scene*. Seriously. Think: perfectly tanned bodies, Instagrammable angles, and a general air of relaxed sophistication. Is it worth the hype? YES. Absolutely yes. It’s stunning. You float in the water, looking out at the mountains, and you feel... calm. The water is just the right temperature, and the sun kisses your skin. Here's my confession: I initially avoided it. I’m not really a “pool person.” I get self-conscious. But after a glass (or two) of that delicious South African wine, I took the plunge (literally!). And… it was glorious. It's one of those moments where social media is *actually* doing it right. Do it. Just do it. Don't worry about those other humans. Just FLOAT. Oh, and the cocktails they serve poolside? *Exquisite*.
5. Beyond the obvious beauty, what's something unexpected you loved about Auberge Clermont?
Okay, this is a good one. Beyond the views, the food, and the pool, what *really* got me? The staff. Seriously. They're genuinely lovely. They remembered my name, my coffee order, and the fact that I was a klutz with a wine glass. They went above and beyond to make the stay special. They made me feel like I was the only guest there, which is a feat, considering the place was surprisingly busy. One night, I was feeling homesick (don't judge!), and they brought me a little plate of cookies. (It was the *small* gestures that truly made the difference). They made me feel safe, cared for, and… honestly, like I could just… be myself. That, more than anything, is what makes Auberge Clermont truly special. And probably why I cried (again!) when I left.
6. Is it kid-friendly? Because I have a four-year-old… and they're a *lot*.
Okay, this is *tricky*. Auberge Clermont is definitely geared towards adults. There are no dedicated kids' clubs or playgrounds. It's more about tranquility and relaxation. You *might* be able to get away with a well-behaved child (and a very understanding nanny). But if your four-year-old is anything like the kids I know, they're probably going to turn the meticulously manicured lawns into their personal playground, and cause general chaos and that does not fit the vibe. So, my honest opinion? Leave the little ones at home. This is a space for grown-up escapes. Or, if you are brave, bring them and just order ALL the room service. Godspeed.
7. The wine tours… are they worth it? Because, hello, Franschhoek!
DUH! YES! Franschhoek is the heart of South African wine country. The wine tours are essential. The hotel can arrange them, so do it. The wine? Incredible. The scenery? Breathtaking. You get to taste ALL the wine (responsibly, of course... although, I might have gotten a *tiny* bit tipsy on one tour). There are tours to suit every taste, from the classic, elegant estates to the more… *rustic* (read: charmingly chaotic). Some advice: Don't try to cram too many vineyards into one day. Pace yourself. Drink plenty of water. And *definitely* hire a driver. (Safety first, people!). I actually bought a ridiculous amount of wine I had no way of getting home. Worth it? Absolutely. My wine cellar is now a testament to my overenthusiasm.
